It is so very odd, that by being a model, people assume that you must think that you are beautiful! As of course modelling is presumably all about looks & beauty…. So people who model are therefore beautiful and therefore know they are, or why else would they model! Sounds simple!?
But to my mind that is so far from how it is……I got into modelling as I liked having my hair done! I loved having my head rubbed like a dog and loved all the funky colours I had done, that i’d never have dared to otherwise.
As a teenager & growing up I had absolutely no confidence …. so I never for one second considered myself worthy of a second glimpse, let alone attractive, and certainly of no relevance to modelling! (Without meaning to sound negative!) As my modelling continued and escalated over the years on and off…..(quite accidentally) I acquired a new found self confidence and an immense passion for it. But it was never about my looks, not then, not now, not ever. It was all about expression, creativity, doing that thing that sets your heart and brain on fire!
The point of me writing this was I actually wanted to explain why I struggle t0 accept compliments and may come across like I am being dismissive!
Often people make lovely comments on my images and I am very grateful yet so genuinely shy to accept these compliments! “Bullshit” I hear you say! Outwardly and even inwardly I am a very confident person now, but compliment me and I will shake my head at you, change the subject, tell you to “shush” or “don’t be daft”. Not out of rudeness or that I am unappreciative , but because I genuinely don’t see it, or I guess I just don’t look at myself in that light. And I know I don’t have to agree , but by saying thank you I feel that that means that I am and I just find it embarrassing and vain! It is crazy as I know and I sound like I need therapy! But it’s not even about self confidence, I just get shy and feel embarrassed when I have to reply to a compliment. SO it is easier to pretend I never heard!
Of course I do say thank you because I am genuinely grateful…..but it feels a bit false when I say it as of course I just can not see these things often, and by saying thank you I feel that is me agreeing “Yes I agree I am bloody awesome, thank you “! Cringe!
This makes me sound mad I’m fully aware…..! I do think I am a good model and I do a very good job. But I disassociate being a good model with being good looking, as I don’t think the two necessarily need to go hand in hand.
So I don’t mean this to sound like I am some super sensitive flappy shy model, because I’m genuinely not! :p But rather thank you for all your kindness and sorry if I ever sound ungrateful when you are being complimentary, but this is he brain process (I know, cringe!!) <3
God I talk too much! Broken record comes to mind x